I’ve been thinking a lot here lately. Being out of the daily grind of the classroom as a teacher will give you time to do this more so than others. Add to that the reality that all of us will at some point breath one last time here on this earth; and you get a heavy dose of philosophy, theology, and a desire for purpose laid on your mind to deal with.
I can’t answer the title question just yet. I am not really sure. Just when I think I want one thing: financial security and safety for my family, then another pops up: living in a third-world disease ridden country for the purpose of ministering to the needs of others in the hope that I will be seen as God’s hands and feet so they will believe what I desire to tell them (why does it have to be someplace outside of America?).
There is a lot more mixed into all of this, but that is basically what it boils down to that I am struggling through at the moment. The trouble is, it is too stuck on looking into the future. I need to look at here and now because I am not guaranteed tomorrow. This guy named James once wrote about this mindset from a business perspective. He was like, “dude, why do you think you can just go some place, setup shop, make a butt load of money, and it will come to pass before you taste the sting of death?” That is paraphrased of course and it says to me that I need to chill with putting so much stock in myself. The second part to what he says amplifies the heart of the matter.
“Instead, you should say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'”
Yeah, that is all well and good, Brother James, but the Lord might will some things that I think are not from God at all, but from the very pit of depraved humanity or even hell itself. What’s up with your Lord’s will then?
I just heard thunder and I feel like I am in danger of being struck by lightening. Suffice it to say this, “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” I can’t wrestle with your issues anymore than you can with mine. But I will be here to listen, talk through, reason, and spiritualize the search for Truth. And you better be there for me.